The cover, it’s an art-form in itself.  Getting your sound across the song of another artist is really no easy feet. So it’s no surprise, that all too often, artists get it painfully wrong. Here are 11 of the worst. 

Celine Dion & Anastasia – You Shook Me All Night Long

The thing about AC/DC that makes you smile is the fact that they know that they’re a bit shit. Phenomenal musicianship, sure. Stageshow? Nai on perfect. But there’s only so long in your career you can sing about the same girl doing the same filthy thing to you. But they know that. Which is why you can almost hear the knowing wink that Brian Johnson has when he sings this 1980 classic. The thing about Anastasia and Celine Dion on the other hand is that they have NO IDEA that they’re shit. Which is why the reason that this song is being sung with the sexless grace of two middle age women attempting to show credibility by thinking that AC/DC is credible in the first place is because it is. Diabolical.

Tom Jones – I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor

Now this really just shouldn’t have been done. You’re not down with the kids Tom. You never have been. You have always been intended for housewives who have only ever been with one slightly depressed banker for the last 35 years. Turning the most exciting British number one single of the decade into a perverted soulless soul jam that basically just makes him sound like a dad staring at the girls at a high school jam won’t make people like you, it will just make them laugh at you more.

The Fratellis – All Along the Watchtower

You don’t cover Jimi Hendrix when your biggest hit is Chelsea Dagger.

Ed Sheeran – Wish You Were Here

You don’t cover Pink Floyd when your biggest hit is being a ginger Ron Weasley lookalike prick.

Weezer – Paranoid Android

Don’t get me wrong. I love Weezer. The Blue Album is the second best American rock album of the 90’s. Rivers Cuomo is a genius songwriter and one of the best melodists in modern popular music. BUT he was specifically put on this earth to sing about how playing songs in your garage is the best thing ever and how skateboarding to work is so much cooler than driving and how its funny that he actually did look quite a lot like Buddy Holly. What he shouldn’t be doing is wasting time tackling a genre-slaying, era-defining, magnum-opus of a jam like Paranoid Android. And what he DEFINITELY shouldn’t be doing is doing it mostly wrong and flat. Sorry boys, I guess the world has turned and left you here.

Lana Del Rey – Heart Shaped Box

Again, I really like Lana Del Rey. It takes a lot of guts in this day and age to effectively admit you’re a slut. And especially when you write seductive slow jams like Video Games and make them sound convincing. But you can’t attempt to out-Hurt Jonny Cash by softly plucking an angsty 90’s alt-rock tune. It just doesn’t work like that. It just doesn’t sound like she gets it.

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band – Blinded by the Light

I have a confession to make, The Pentatonic. I am a Bruce Springsteen fan. I always have been. I know it’s not cool like The Wombats or something, but its that’s truly dear to me. So that this is the famous version of Bruce Springsteen’s first single makes me really upset. It just saps out the energy of a debut single so exciting it actually made me, a self-diagnosed fat cunt, do exercise. It makes the poetic lyrics of the original almost a parody of itself. It tries to be progressive for progressive’s sake. It’s just embarrassing. And this is why Springsteen is selling out sports stadiums all around the world and Manfred Mann sounds like a creepy car salesman.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Born to Run

Frankie Goes to Hollywood are single handedly the greatest band ever to come out of Liverpool. Fact. I can’t think of many better bands who had such an impact on popular music as these boys did. You cannot deny the pop class of Relax and Two Tribes. They are two phenomenal pieces of pop culture. However, in a jarring change of pace to the rest of the fantastic Welcome to the Pleasuredome, this slightly funky (in the instrumental break, I’m not stupid) punk thrash through one of the greatest songs ever composed almost justifies why they didn’t go down in history quite as well as the city’s second greatest band, Dead or Alive.

The Twang – Drinking in LA

This is just as simple as a shit band trying to take on a cool as fuck song and dramatically failing because they’re shit. It’s a shame, because Either Way had so much promise. It’s also a shame because The Twang still exist and their Midlands contemporaries and the much, much better The Enemy bit the dust in 2016.

Any wedding function band – Last Nite/Don’t Look Back into the Sun etc

Listen, I appreciate you trying. But the only people who know these songs in this room are people like me and we are the very people who desperately don’t want you to fucking play them. Stick to the Copacabana boys, that 50 year old bridesmaid is giving you the eyes.

Coldplay – Fairytale of New York

I’d go as far to say that Fairytale of New York is the greatest ever Christmas song. And when you’re the biggest stadium rock band in the world, you can afford to do it justice. Maybe make it a bit synthy like that album with the weird title. Whatever you do, don’t give the only thing that’s good about modern Christmas periods to your shittest singer, play it wrong and give the rest of the band acoustic guitars. Poor effort.

Words: James Kitchen